How can you tell my brain is still fuzzy? Because yesterday, I posted my first blog post about getting sober and got my Sober Day Number wrong. Yesterday wasn’t Day 3–today is.
But today’s Day 3 is considerably better than yesterday’s Day 3.
That small ember of hope is flickering into a tiny (well…actually not so tiny) flame. I’m looking forward to getting sober. That thought has never flitted across my brain pan. I’ve dreaded getting sober, counted days to getting sober, failed at getting sober, repeatedly, attended AA meetings while not getting sober, spoken at length to my addictions counsellor while not getting sober, lied to my mother and sisters about being sober while not being sober, but I’ve never looked forward to being sober. And come to think of it, as it’s actually Day 3 for real, I don’t have to look forward to getting sober. I’m already doing it. I’m already in ‘sober.’
I think I mean I’m looking forward to more … good things and good bye to some really unpleasant bad things.
- Being able count my sober days accurately.
- Waking up without camel fuzz mouth.
- Not having to clean up the detritus of last night’s drinking–empty chip bags on the floor, empty bottles on the coffee table, wine stains on said coffee table, blanket on the floor, remote buried under couch cushions, waking up in last night’s clothes, three hungry (not fed the night before) cats, bolting awake on the couch at 7:30 PM because I think it’s morning and I’m going to be late for work and I’m still drunk so I’ll have to phone in sick…oh wait, it’s night time. Yeah. Whew! I won’t miss that at all.
- I won’t wake up hating myself and I won’t miss that mean, finger wagging voice that talked me into drinking last night and is now berating me for doing so this morning.
- My face won’t be puffy. Oh hey, the rest of me will be less puffy too.
- It won’t be another Day 1.
I’m sure there’s more to look forward to but right now, this is what is in my sight line.
Yeah for Day 3.